FUTURAMA QUOTES

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Bite my shiny metal ass.
	-- Bender

Just make a simple cake. And this time, if someone's going to jump out of it
make sure to put them in *after* you cook it.
	-- Leela

This'll teach those filthy bastards who's lovable!
	-- Bender

And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet Nibbler who has gone to a place I too
hope one day to go. The toilet.
	-- Professor Farnsworth

Yes, if by 'allow' you mean 'force'.
	-- Professor Farnsworth

Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?
	-- Bender

Bender: 1, Toilet: 0.
	-- Bender

Wow, there's a million aliens! I've never seen something so mind-blowing! Ooh,
a reception table with muffins!
	-- Fry

You forget one thing: rock crushes scissors. But paper covers rock... and
scissors cuts paper... Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and
bring me a rock.
	-- Zapp Brannigan

One day a man has everything, the next day he blows up a $400 billion space
station, and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think.
	-- Zapp Brannigan

Come, Kiff, it's time for us to start our life as civilians. That's an order,
soldier!
	-- Zapp Brannigan

Here's to us schmoes, working for the man. Even if he is a hot, sexy, female
man.
	-- Zapp Brannigan

Let fly the white flag of war.
	-- Zap Brannigan

If I was registered to vote I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on
Election Day and dressing like a clown.
	-- Fry

The underprivileged get all the breaks.
	-- Fry

I'm finally richer than those snooty ATM machines.
	-- Bender

Compare your lives to mine and kill yourselves.
	-- Bender

Bodies are for hookers and fat people.
	-- Bender

They're not very heavy, but you don't hear me not complaining.
	-- Bender

I want you to find him and plug him. Then, unplug him.
	-- Don-Bot

Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny.
	-- Bender

Ah, nothing like a warm fire and a SuperSoaker of fine cognac.
	-- Bender

You must be using an archaic form of pronunciation, like saying 'ask' instead
of 'axe'.
	-- Leela

Yes, I got the most! I win X-Mas!
	-- Bender

Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies; and there would have to be a
lot of them.
	-- Linda the Reporter

Alright, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits; but you just
met your equal.
	-- Fry

Finally, I look as pretty as I feel!
	-- Dr. Zoidberg

Oh dear! They'll be killed on our doorstep... and there's no trash pickup until
January 3rd.
	-- Professor Farnsworth

I found it lying in the street, like all the food I cook. Dig in!
	-- Bender

Actually, she wasn't really my girlfriend, she just lived nextdoor and never
closed her curtains.
	-- Fry

No one drove in New York. There was too much traffic.
	-- Fry

I'm just glad we hit something, I thought we'd never stop!
	-- Fry

If you kill anyone make sure to eat their heart; to gain their courage. Their
rich, tasty courage. Yum yum.
	-- Professor Farnsworth

I don't want you to worry about your jobs while you're away. That's why i'm
firing you now.
	-- Hermes

It's funny because it's poisonous!
	-- Dr. Zoidberg

I may be against the fur industry, but that won't keep me from skinning you
alive; as long as no one wears the skin.
	-- Bob Barker

I am shocked! Shocked! Well, not that shocked.
	-- Fry

You, sir, have defaced a natural treasure! I insist you restore my buttocks to
their former glory.
	-- Bender

Computer dating: it's just like pimping except you rarely have to use the
term 'upside your head'.
	-- Bender

Now, my usual fee is $500. But seeing as how its you, I'll need it all in
advance.
	-- Bender

She is well traveled, and I don't mean she travels a lot.
	-- Bender

If I ever feel lonely, I'll just look over at this disfiguring scar and think
of you.
	-- Amy

I thought Ultimate Robot Fighting was real, like pro wrestling; but it turns
out it's fixed, like boxing.
	-- Fry

It's one thing to win a fixed fight; there's dignity in that. But to lose!
	-- Bender

After all this time, someone else who has one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter
or a kid with a bb gun.
	-- Leela

Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in
the body of a great white shark -- oooh, suddenly you've gone too far!
	-- Professor Farnsworth

You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps -- so here's
the professor's oldest friend: a grotesque, stinking lobster!
	-- Bender

After fourteen years of graduate school Farnsworth settled into the glamorous
life of a scientist. Fast cars, trendy nightspots, beautiful women... the
professor designed them all, working out of his tiny one-room apartment.
	-- Leela

Everyone, I have a dramatic announcement. Anyone with a weak heart should
leave. Goodbye.
	-- Professor Farnsworth

Goodbye, cruel world. Goodbye, cruel lamp. Goodbyem cruel velvet drapes lined
with what would appear to be some sort of cruel moslin...
	-- Professor Farnsworth

I'm sure Bender has just made some cunning remark, but he doesn't know I taped
over his soap operas to record this message.
	-- Professor Farnsworth

I'm as spry as a 140 year old. See? I only broke one ankle.
	-- Professor Farnsworth

...Martini-drinking contest with the auto-pilot. I would have won, except we
ran out of olives.
	-- Bender

Mr. Bender could you high-five Mr. Fry so we can get on with the meeting?
...And on the rebound. Meeting adjourned.
	-- Morgan Proctor

There we were in the park when suddenly some old lady says I stole her purse.
I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming. So I had to hit her with
this purse I found.
	-- Bender

Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful.
	-- Fry

Arrr! The laws of science be a harsh mistress.
	-- Bender

This is the best nanosecond of my life! No, this one is! No, this one!
	-- Bender

I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's
even treated.
	-- Dr. Zoidberg

You know the secret of traditional robot cooking? Start with a good,
high-quality oil. Then eat it.
	-- Bender

Your dear old Mother won't be around forever, and just once, before I die, I'd
like to be Supreme Overlord of Earth.
	-- Mom

Hey hey! Ho ho! One zero zero one one zero!
	-- Robot Mob

...We didn't need a mechanical washing unit to wash our clothes, we just used
a washing machine!
	-- Fry

...we could use my new invention: a pointy rock on a stick!
	-- Professor Farnsworth

...And if that doesn't work, I got you a six-pack of champagne and a funnel.
	-- Fry

Problem solved. You two fight to the death and I'll cook the loser.
	-- Bender

They're like sex, except I'm having it.
	-- Fry

Great is OK, but amazing would be GREAT!
	-- Bender

Yes! I'm going to be rich! You are too, but it's hard to get excited about
that.
	-- Bender

Put 'er there, pal! ...I meant your wallet.
	-- Bender

I came here with the simple dream... a dream of killing all humans. And this
is how it must end? Who's the real 700 billion ton monster here? Not I... Not
I...
	-- Giant Bender

I can be impulsive... it just takes me a while.
	-- Leela

Blackmail's such an ugly word. I prefer extortion -- the "x" makes it sound
cool.
	-- Bender

That question was less stupid, though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way.
	-- Professor Farnsworth

If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning
disability.
	-- Zap Brannigan

Men, you are lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of
you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine
mesh screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all.
	-- Zap Brannigan

Whoa -- check out that guy! He makes Speedy Gonzalez look like Regular
Gonzalez!
	-- Fry

He edged out my old mark by 2 seconds. And 16 minutes. And 12 hours.
	-- Zap Brannigan

That young man fills me with hope. And some other emotions that are weird and
deeply confusing.
	-- Zap Brannigan

If they put me on a stamp... tell them to use the young Bender.
	-- Bender

Scalpel... blood bucket... priest.
	-- Dr. Zoidberg

I hereby order that in Bender's honor he be melted down and made into a statue
of himself.
	-- Zapp Brannigan

You'll be negotiating with the mysterious brain-balls. They've got a lot of
brains and a lot of... chutzpah.
	-- Zap Brannigan

We got it from this convenient database of his top 10 most frequently used
words. number ten: "chump". number nine: "chumpette". number eight: "yours".
number seven: "up". number six: "pimpmobile". number five: "bite". number
four: "my". number three: "shiny". number two: "daffodil". number one, the
word that, once uttered will set off the bomb: "ass".
	-- Zap Brannigan

At last, war has made me into a man. Weeeeee!
	-- Fry

Hmm, words I never say... Oh, I know: "Thanks"!
	-- Bender

Bender, you look awful. I recommend makeup.
	-- Dr. Zoidberg

Robot porno theatre! I was in that... general... vicinity.
	-- Bender

I can't afford to keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away
with it.
	-- Bender

You're a thousand years old?! Your bio says you're 27!
	-- Bender

I was all of history's greatest acting robots -- Acting Unit 0.8, Thespomat,
David Duchovny!
	-- Calculon

You didn't hurt me, but you wanted to. That's the important thing.
	-- Fry

That probulator really knows how to please a man.
	-- Bender

And with Fry gone, I'm free to leave my jigsaw puzzle pieces out without him
eating them.
	-- Professor Farnsworth

Alright, alright. If it'll make you happy I'll overthrow society.
	-- Fry

No fair! You changed the results by measuring it!
	-- Professor Farnsworth

Life is hilariously cruel.
	-- Bender

What's wrong? Did you swallow another cell phone?
	-- Leela

Here's my personal book of pickup lines. Say as many of them as fast as you
can. Don't stop for any reason.
	-- Zap Brannigan

It's not uncharted, you lost the chart!
	-- Kiff

Oh God, you're killing me. OH GOD YOU'RE KILLING ME!
	-- Zap Brannigan

Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the best.
	-- Fry

It's toe-tappingly tragic!
	-- Dr. Zoidberg

Bender's my friend; we can't just dump him in the sewer like Grandma's ashes.
	-- Fry

Kudos, Bender! You got mangled and became a singer. Both our dreams came true.
	-- Hermes Conrad

Oh crap! It's a miracle!
	-- Bender

Those aren't swan-boats, they're swans.
	-- Leela

Just a few... more... hundred... thousand... miles. There.
	-- Leela

I guess I could part with one doomsday device and still be feared.
	-- Professor Farnsworth

It's funny, you live in the universe but you never do these things until
someone comes to visit.
	-- Zoidberg

Now you know why I used the qualifier 'practically'.
	-- Bender

Now that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes.
	-- Zap Brannigan

You know the worst part about being a slave? They make you work but they don't
pay you or let you go.
	-- Fry

Now we're slaving!
	-- Bender

The cruelty of the old pharoah is a thing of the past! Let a whole new wave of
cruelty wash over this lazy land!
	-- Bender

People said I was dumb, but I proved them!
	-- Fry

You say that those brains are making everyone on Earth stupid. Oh... stupider.
	-- Leela

Why are those kids following you? Do you have candy stuck to your ass?
	-- Fry

I think cosmetic surgery is great! I used to be too cute, but then I had
cuteness reduction surgery *here* and *here*.
	-- Amy

Don't be such a a chicken, Kiff! Teenagers all smoke and they seem pretty on
the ball.
	-- Zapp Brannigan

I'm not a robot! I don't like having discs crammed into me; unless they're
Oreos. And then, only in the mouth.
	-- Fry

Is this angry yelling or busted hearing aid yelling?
	-- Dr. Zoidberg

If you want children beaten, you've got to do it yourself.
	-- Bender

That's so plausible I can't believe it!
	-- Leela

Robots don't have any emotions, and sometimes that makes me very sad.
	-- Bender

You bastard! They treated me like an animal and that's what I became!... Nah,
I'm just kidding, good to see ya buddy!
	-- Flexo

I personalized each of your meals. For example, Amy: you're cute, so I baked
you a pony.
	-- Bender

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