FUTURAMA QUOTES


Bite my shiny metal ass.
	-- Bender

...at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now strip naked and get on
the probulator.
  -- Leela

...it's what seperates humans and robots from animals and animal robots.
  -- Fry

Everybody's a jerk: you, me, this jerk.
  -- Bender

Of all the friends I've had, you're the first.
  -- Bender

I hate the people that love me, and they hate me.
  -- Bender

Me too. I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions.
  -- Calculon

You call that an antenna?
  -- URL

...each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds.
  -- Professor Farnsworth

That'll take forever. What she ought to do is find a nice guy with two eyes
and poke one out.
  -- Bender

I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight, followed by a light dinner.
  -- Zapp Brannigan

In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.
  -- Zapp Brannigan

A grim day for robot-kind. But we can always build more killbots.
  -- Bender

Now, now, there will be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if
you return.
  -- Professor Farnsworth

I'm gonna drink 'til I reboot.
  -- Bender

What kind of party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker.
  -- Bender

I haven't had time off since I was 21 through 24.
  -- Fry

I assure you, I barely know the meaning of the word labor.
  -- Bender

I'm a fraud. A poor, lazy, sexy fraud.
  -- Bender

You remind me of a young me. Not much younger mind you; perhaps even a couple
of years older.
  -- Zapp Brannigan

If you so much as glance at another woman I'll be all over Leela like a fly on
a pile of very sexy manure.
  -- Zapp Brannigan

We'll simply plot a new course for that empty region over there; near that
black-ish, hole-ish thing.
  -- Zapp Brannigan

And I'd do it again, and perhaps a third time. But that would be it.
  -- Bender

Don't talk like that; tragic romances always have a happy ending.
  -- Bender

Not everyone turns out like their parents. Look at me: my parents were honest,
hard-working people.
  -- Fry

I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank.
  -- Fry

Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air.
  -- Zapp Brannigan

You will practice making your bed until you can do it in your sleep.
  -- Zapp Brannigan

If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house
of cards. Checkmate.
  -- Zapp Brannigan

When I'm in command every mission is a suicide mission.
  -- Zapp Brannigan

The auxiliary power's out and they spilled my cocktail.
	-- Bender

We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees per day for
five days unless...
  -- Lurr

You may feel a slight stinging sensation ...all of you.
  -- Professor Farnsworth

Just make a simple cake. And this time, if someone's going to jump out of it
make sure to put them in *after* you cook it.
	-- Leela

This'll teach those filthy bastards who's lovable!
	-- Bender

And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet Nibbler who has gone to a place I too
hope one day to go. The toilet.
	-- Professor Farnsworth

Yes, if by 'allow' you mean 'force'.
	-- Professor Farnsworth

Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?
	-- Bender

Bender: 1, Toilet: 0.
	-- Bender

Wow, there's a million aliens! I've never seen something so mind-blowing! Ooh,
a reception table with muffins!
	-- Fry

One day a man has everything, the next day he blows up a $400 billion space
station, and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think.
	-- Zapp Brannigan

Come, Kif, it's time for us to start our life as civilians. That's an order,
soldier!
	-- Zapp Brannigan

Here's to us schmoes, working for the man. Even if he is a hot, sexy, female
man.
	-- Zapp Brannigan

They're not very heavy, but you don't hear me not complaining.
	-- Bender

Let fly the white flag of war.
	-- Zapp Brannigan

If I was registered to vote I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on
Election Day and dressing like a clown.
	-- Fry

The underprivileged get all the breaks.
	-- Fry

I'm finally richer than those snooty ATM machines.
	-- Bender

Compare your lives to mine and kill yourselves.
	-- Bender

Bodies are for hookers and fat people.
	-- Bender

Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny.
	-- Bender

Ah, nothing like a warm fire and a SuperSoaker of fine cognac.
	-- Bender

You must be using an archaic form of pronunciation, like saying 'ask' instead
of 'axe'.
	-- Leela

Yes, I got the most! I win X-Mas!
	-- Bender

X-Mas eve, another pointless day where I accomplished nothing. Ah...
	-- Bender

Earthlings do not yet know the meaning of suffering!
  -- Morbo

Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies... and there would have to be a
lot of them.
	-- Linda the Reporter

Alright, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just
met your equal.
	-- Fry

Finally, I look as pretty as I feel!
	-- Dr. Zoidberg

Oh dear! They'll be killed on our doorstep... and there's no trash pickup until
January 3rd.
	-- Professor Farnsworth

It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have a have a big clambake
and cook him! Yee-ha!
  -- Bender

He's no different from the rest of you organisms, shooting DNA at each other
to make babies. I find it offensive.
  -- Bender

He's a loser; he's the lobster equivalent of Fry.
  -- Bender

Actually, she wasn't really my girlfriend, she just lived nextdoor and never
closed her curtains.
	-- Fry

No one drove in New York. There was too much traffic.
	-- Fry

I'm just glad we hit something, I thought we'd never stop!
	-- Fry

If you kill anyone make sure to eat their heart; to gain their courage. Their
rich, tasty courage. Yum yum.
	-- Professor Farnsworth

I don't want you to worry about your jobs while you're away. That's why I'm
firing you now.
	-- Hermes

It's funny because it's poisonous!
	-- Dr. Zoidberg

He's bad news. I regret ever running him over.
  -- Fry

I may be against the fur industry, but that won't keep me from skinning you
alive; as long as no one wears the skin.
	-- Bob Barker

I am shocked! Shocked! Well, not that shocked.
	-- Fry

You, sir, have defaced a natural treasure! I insist you restore my buttocks to
their former glory.
	-- Bender

Computer dating: it's just like pimping except you rarely have to use the
term 'upside your head'.
	-- Bender

Now, my usual fee is $500. But seeing as how its you, I'll need it all in
advance.
	-- Bender

She is well-traveled, and I don't mean she travels a lot.
	-- Bender

If I ever feel lonely, I'll just look over at this disfiguring scar and think
of you.
	-- Amy

I thought Ultimate Robot Fighting was real, like pro wrestling; but it turns
out it's fixed, like boxing.
	-- Fry

It's one thing to win a fixed fight; there's dignity in that. But to lose!
	-- Bender

After all this time, someone else who has one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter
or a kid with a bb gun.
	-- Leela

Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in
the body of a great white shark: oooh, suddenly you've gone too far!
	-- Professor Farnsworth

You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps; so here's
the professor's oldest friend: a grotesque, stinking lobster!
	-- Bender

After fourteen years of graduate school Farnsworth settled into the glamorous
life of a scientist. Fast cars, trendy nightspots, beautiful women... the
professor designed them all, working out of his tiny one-room apartment.
	-- Leela

Everyone, I have a dramatic announcement. Anyone with a weak heart should
leave. Goodbye.
	-- Professor Farnsworth

I'm sure Bender has just made some cunning remark, but he doesn't know I taped
over his soap operas to record this message.
	-- Professor Farnsworth

I'm as spry as a 140 year old. See? I only broke one ankle.
	-- Professor Farnsworth

...Martini-drinking contest with the auto-pilot. I would have won, except we
ran out of olives.
	-- Bender

Everything that is Bender is right here: his mind, his memories, his
in-your-face interface.
	-- Morgan Proctor

There we were in the park when suddenly some old lady says I stole her purse.
I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming. So I had to hit her with
this purse I found.
	-- Bender

Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful.
	-- Fry

Arrr! The laws of science be a harsh mistress.
	-- Bender

This is the best nanosecond of my life! No this one is! No this one!
	-- Bender

I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's
even treated.
	-- Dr. Zoidberg

I want you to find him and plug him. Then, unplug him.
	-- Don-Bot

Your dear old Mother won't be around forever and just once before I die I'd
like to be Supreme Overlord of Earth.
	-- Mom

Hey hey! Ho ho! One zero zero one one zero!
	-- Robot Mob

In my time we didn't depend on high-tech gadgets like you do. We didn't need
a mechanical washing unit to wash our clothes, we just used a washing machine!
	-- Fry

...we could use my new invention: a pointy rock on a stick!
	-- Professor Farnsworth

...and if that doesn't work I got you a six-pack of champagne and a funnel.
	-- Fry

Problem solved. You two fight to the death and I'll cook the loser.
	-- Bender

They're like sex, except I'm having it.
	-- Fry

Great is OK, but amazing would be GREAT!
	-- Bender

Yes! I'm going to be rich! You are too, but it's hard to get excited about
that.
	-- Bender

We will begin with the firemen and the math teachers and so on in that fashion
until everyone is eaten.
  -- Lurr

I wish they'd just wipe out humanity and get it over with. It's the waiting I
can't stand.
  -- Fry

Put 'er there, pal! ...I meant your wallet.
	-- Giant Bender

I came here with the simple dream... a dream of killing all humans. And this
is how it must end? Who's the real 700 billion ton monster here? Not I... Not
I...
	-- Giant Bender

I can be impulsive... it just takes me a while.
	-- Leela

Blackmail's such an ugly word. I prefer extortion; the "x" makes it sound
cool.
	-- Bender

That question was less stupid, though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way.
	-- Professor Farnsworth

If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning
disability.
	-- Zapp Brannigan

Men, you are lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of
you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine
mesh screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all.
	-- Zapp Brannigan

Whoa, check out that guy! He makes Speedy Gonzalez look like Regular
Gonzalez!
	-- Fry

He edged out my old mark by 2 seconds. And 16 minutes. And 12 hours.
	-- Zapp Brannigan

That young man fills me with hope ...and some other emotions that are weird and
deeply confusing.
	-- Zapp Brannigan

If they put me on a stamp... tell them to use the young Bender.
	-- Bender

Scalpel... blood bucket... priest. Next patient!
	-- Dr. Zoidberg

I hereby order that in Bender's honor he be melted down and made into a statue
of himself.
	-- Zapp Brannigan

You'll be negotiating with the mysterious brain-balls. They've got a lot of
brains and a lot of... chutzpah.
	-- Zapp Brannigan

At last, war has made me into a man. Weeeeee!
	-- Fry

Hmm, words I never say... Oh, I know: "Thanks"!
	-- Bender

Bender, you look awful. I recommend makeup.
	-- Dr. Zoidberg

Robot porno theatre! I was in that... general... vicinity.
	-- Bender

I can't afford to keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away
with it.
	-- Bender

You're a thousand years old?! Your bio says you're 27!
	-- Bender

I was all of history's greatest acting robots: Acting Unit 0.8, Thespomat,
David Duchovny!
	-- Calculon

You didn't hurt me, but you wanted to. That's the important thing.
	-- Fry

That probulator really knows how to please a man.
	-- Bender

And with Fry gone, I'm free to leave my jigsaw puzzle pieces out without him
eating them.
	-- Professor Farnsworth

Alright, alright. If it'll make you happy I'll overthrow society.
	-- Fry

No fair! You changed the results by measuring it!
	-- Professor Farnsworth

Life is hilariously cruel.
	-- Bender

What's wrong? Did you swallow another cell phone?
	-- Leela

Here's my personal book of pickup lines. Say as many of them as fast as you
can. Don't stop for any reason.
	-- Zapp Brannigan

It's not uncharted, you lost the chart!
	-- Kif

Oh God, you're killing me. OH GOD YOU'RE KILLING ME!
	-- Zapp Brannigan

Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the best.
	-- Fry

I always knew I'd die at the bottom of a pit, but a pit full of tar?
  -- Leela

It's toe-tappingly tragic!
	-- Dr. Zoidberg

Bender's my friend; we can't just dump him in the sewer like Grandma's ashes.
	-- Fry

Kudos, Bender! You got mangled and became a singer. Both our dreams came true.
	-- Hermes

Oh crap! It's a miracle!
	-- Bender

Those aren't swan-boats, they're swans.
	-- Leela

Just a few... more... hundred... thousand... miles. There.
	-- Leela

I guess I could part with one doomsday device and still be feared.
	-- Professor Farnsworth

It's funny, you live in the universe but you never do these things until
someone comes to visit.
	-- Dr. Zoidberg

Now you know why I used the qualifier 'practically'.
	-- Bender

Now that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes.
	-- Zapp Brannigan

You know the worst part about being a slave? They make you work but they don't
pay you or let you go.
	-- Fry

Now we're slaving!
	-- Bender

The cruelty of the old pharoah is a thing of the past! Let a whole new wave of
cruelty wash over this lazy land!
	-- Bender

People said I was dumb, but I proved them!
	-- Fry

You say that those brains are making everyone on Earth stupid. Oh... stupider.
	-- Leela

Why are those kids following you? Do you have candy stuck to your ass?
	-- Fry

I think cosmetic surgery is great! I used to be too cute, but then I had
cuteness reduction surgery *here* and *here*.
	-- Amy

Don't be such a a chicken, Kif! Teenagers all smoke and they seem pretty on
the ball.
	-- Zapp Brannigan

I'm not a robot! I don't like having discs crammed into me; unless they're
Oreos. And then, only in the mouth.
	-- Fry

Is this angry yelling or busted hearing aid yelling?
	-- Dr. Zoidberg

If you want children beaten, you've got to do it yourself.
	-- Bender

That's so plausible I can't believe it!
	-- Leela

Robots don't have any emotions and sometimes that makes me very sad.
	-- Bender

You bastard! They treated me like an animal and that's what I became!
...Nah I'm just kidding, good to see ya buddy!
	-- Flexo

I personalized each of your meals. For example, Amy: you're cute, so I baked
you a pony.
	-- Bender

Oh my god. I'm so excited I wish I could wet my pants!
	-- Bender

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